Kyrie Irving Hit Taj Gibson With The Shammgod

The Bulls took another one on the chin tonight in Cleveland. ‘Twas an ugly display of basketball by Los Toros.  Derrick Rose (28/7/2) played refreshingly well, but, besides that, this team is a mess. The bench mob performed well in the waning minutes, giving Bulls bettors a much-needed backdoor cover, but this game was far worse than the 106-95 score indicates. Bulls fans beware: it’s gonna be a tough stretch without Jimmy Butler.

About mid-way through the beating, Kyrie Irving found himself 1-on-1 with Taj Gibson and busted out the Shammgod crossover, pushing the ball in front of his body and drawing it back with the same hand. Looks like he might have even sprawled into a  spider dribble, too, springing free to drop a pretty floater off the glass. Long story short, Taj got put on skates.

The Shammgod is the third most beautiful move in all of basketball, right behind a well-executed Up & Under (as a 6’4 Caucasian, I am contractually obligated to love post moves) and anything performed by Jason Chandler Williams.

It’s a damn shame there’s not more highlights of God himself. By all accounts, he had the best handle to ever grace the hardwood.  No wonder the Providence Friars are a team to watch this March; Graduate Assistant Shammgod has been coaching up Kris Dunne & Co.

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This Flying Dunk Squad Ripped The Backboard Off A Church Gym

Give it up one time for the Liberty U SOAR squad. I’ve never heard of these gravity-defying, basketball-slammin’ Christian acrobats but best believe I respect the hustle. Do you think these guys realize how ridiculous it is that they’re flying off trampolines and shattering backboards in the Central Baptist Church gym in Portsmouth, Virginia?  If this performance goes as planned, no videos go viral and all we’re really working with here is a gym full of Virginia’s fifty most boring Baptists and a squad of Christian circus freaks. If that doesn’t result in some self-reflection, I don’t know what will.

Henceforth, Every Month’s Rent Check Shall Don A Dennis Rodman Stamp

I didn’t wake up today expecting to blog about stamps, but, thanks to The Worm, them’s the breaks. Dennis Rodman is one-of-kind; a maniac’s king amongst cowardly men; Basketball’s David Bowie. It’s only fitting that he should have the most bitching stamp in the bland history of such an archaic government institution. I need a roll of Rodman stamps like I need my purple Vans, Levi 511’s, red wine, and ribeye steaks. Really make sure my recipients know what I’m all about.

[Insert obligatory awesome Rodman highlights here]

 

PS – I highly doubt that I’ll actually be buying any Rodman stamps, but I damn sure need a 4×4 print of this bad boy. So, so sick.

PPS – Do people mail anything other than rent checks these days? Can’t remember the last time I used a stamp for anything else.  Even my sweet, dementia-ridden grandmother can operate email and PayPal. Adapt or die, landlords.

In Honor Of Big L Here Are A Few Of The Greatest Cyphers Of All Time

The great Big L died seventeen years ago today.  His potential as an artist was never fully realized – and he missed out on fame, super stardom, and hip hop’s glory days – but Lamont Coleman left behind a legacy as one of the most creative, vicious freestyle rappers of all time. Big L laid the blueprint for every great battle rapper since the mid-90s. As such, I figure it’s only right to pay homage by listening to the man do what he did best. Along with two Big L frees are a few other legendary clips from greats that no doubt used L as inspiration.

Below we’ve got the notorious 1995 Big L/Jay Z freestyle, a ridiculous quick-hitter from Jada, another Big L killer, a tough 8-minute go from Slim Shady on WestwoodTV, and – my all-time favorite – the infamous Shady 2.0 Slaughterhouse cypher (Slaughterhouse with Eminem and Yelawolf).  Enjoy.

Saturday Rollin’ With Anderson .Paak

 

Dr. Dre’s latest Aftermath signee is about to explode. .Paak’s not getting any East Coast radio play at the moment, but that’s about to change real soon.  Malibu has gained critical acclaim and sealed the deal for Anderson’s partnership with Dre.  Vivid storytelling, beautiful construction, killer features, and .Paak’s unique versatility – alternating between fire bars and soulful crooning – make Malibu an early contender album of the year.

Anderson .Paak is that man.

Don’t Talk Politics At the NBA Celebrity All-Star Game Or ESPN’s Sage Steele Will Hipcheck You To Timbuktu

 

Win Butler’s got game, fellas.

I actually love tuning into the NBA celeb game every year because – at least I think – it makes me feel like I’m not that far off an All-Star performance in the Association. The celebrities are absolutely trash every year. Kevin Hart a 4-time MVP?  My man is a funny standup comic but Yappy The Dwarf is straight embarrassing on the hardwood. Somehow, every participant is afraid to give lil’ man a forearm shiver. Put Kevin on his Men’s Size 26 ass and that’s that.  My shamefully concerned Celebrity All-Star Game rant ends here.

Anyway, Win Butler of Arcade Fire actually has some game and ended up being named MVP of the outing.  Despite his status as a native Californian, the Montreal resident led Team Canada to a decisive victory with 15 points, 14 boards, and some sexy play on the block

 

Butler made the most of his MVP speech to announce his celebrity game retirement (smart move) and pop a quick political opine in America’s grillpiece.

“Thank you, I just want to say it’s an election year in the U.S., and the U.S. has a lot they can learn from Canada, healthcare, taking care of people…”

Steele cuts him off, grabs the microphone back and says “We’re talking about celebrity stuff, not politics. Congratulations.”

I meeaaannn, he’s not wrong.  Not wanting to serve as a liberal rocker’s political soapbox during a corporate celebrity basketball game is certainly understandable, but Sage Steele might want to rethink things next time she throws such a vicious hipcheck.  Talk about reckless abandonment.  On CBC no less.

 

After seeing Butler drop tears all over the court in Toronto, you don’t want to mess with that man.  With a guy like Win, there’s always a faint threat of voodoo in the mix.  If not that, he might even break you off on a technically sound Up & Under.  That alone ain’t worth the risk.

It really is ridiculous, but I have an entirely new found respect for Win Butler.  I’ve always enjoyed Arcade’s music, in passing, but would never really seek it out.  Now that I know the big man can ball (in addition to shredding six instruments and assembling a modern Indie orchestra)?  Sign me up.  He seems more approachable.  Maybe next time Sage will let a man finish his valid point and move on.  Be less of a pawn, Steele.

PS – Only the worst dude ever can spend all day with hoop legends, models, and comedians, win the game MVP, and proceed to preach about politics.  Mellow out, Win.

Kanye West Created A Video Game To Make Sure That His Mother Went To Heaven

 

Add “video game producer” to the list of job titles that distract Kanye West from what he’s actually best at – making incredible music. During Thursday’s album release party at Madison Square Garden, Kanye unveiled a surprise preview of his upcoming video game, “Only One.”  The game is based on Yeezy’s 2014 single by the same name and revolves around “the idea… of my mom traveling through the gates of heaven.”

Forgetting that the plot of “Only One” sounds absolutely horrible – more power to Ye for honoring his mother, but, what kind of dipshit would spend valuable time on the sticks guiding dead Donda West to the Promise Land? – the teaser looks trash, too.  Evidently, Kanye’s lead programmer is a 17-year old Japanese Halo enthusiast with a Dragon Ball Z bed set.

This is a perfect example of why Kanye West is so infuriating. Please, Ye, for once in this decade, just focus on making good music.  Focus on making another GREAT album, establishing G.O.O.D. as a powerhouse record label, and taking the title of (second) greatest hip hop producer ever.  The post-Dilla title belt is there if West wants it, but his schizophrenic “worldly” interests suggest otherwise.  Enough with this embarrassing, lame desire to infiltrate the high end fashion world. These fashion idiots are wack and want nothing to do with you – call it even and cut the cord.  Enough with the ridiculous video games about your goddamn mother (r.i.p.) flying through the clouds like Loki and Bartleby. Enough with the advertisements masked as insane Twitter rants.  Please, Ye, get back in the lab like you know you should. Kanye could be a legendary hip hop icon when all is said and done but he can’t quit acting like a pompous, confused dickhead. Even so, he’ll still go down as a legend in the game because his immense musical talent overshadows all of the extracurriculars.

I know that there are several tracks yet to be added to TLOP, but, I’m giving the early leaked rip a tentative 6.6/10.  An average album.  It honestly feels like a project that was cut up last minute and rushed to beat a deadline. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some really interesting, incredible construction on the album.  It seems like Kanye’s natural, megalomaniacal, natural progression since Yeezus combined with an honest effort to put on some talented young rappers and give the early Kanye purists something to sink their teeth into. Only problem is it doesn’t quite connect.  The album feels like all the surrounding hoopla and promo the last few weeks was because Ye totally scrapped and hurriedly redid the records.  The sound quality will obviously be much better when I’m not consuming an illegally recorded release party stream, but, right now, the album is below the standard that Kanye set for himself in February 2004.  And ’05.  And ’07.  And 2010.

Disclaimer: “No More Parties In L.A.” and “Wolves” with Vic Mensa and Frank Ocean are fantastic. No More Parties gets better every time. “Ultra Light Beams” with Chance and Mary J is really cool, too. Also, I haven’t heard “Fade” featuring Post Malone and Ty Dolla $ign, “Silver Surfer,” “30 Hours,” or “Facts.”  I’m due for a hundred more listens this week and my hopes are still very high.

 

h/t Wired