Do You Ask the “11 Questions You Should Never Ask a Woman on a First Date”?

Atlanta Power 961 – 

1. Are your boobs real

You better believe I will sneak a few peaks throughout the evening, but asking on a first date? Much too aggressive.  I plan on finding out in a few hours, and I’ll accept you either way.

2. Where did you get that top?

Jay Cutler, DOOOOON’T CAAAARREEE.

3. Is that your natural hair color?

Does it look good? Yes. Are you happy with it? Yes… Okay, see answer #2.

4. So how much money do you make?

Enough to take care of yourself and not depend on me? Perfect.  I don’t need the exact details as  long as you’re not dumpster diving.  This is still the first date, you’ll have to hang around much longer before I’m buying groceries.

5. How many people have you slept with?

Don’t ask, don’t tell.

6. How long was your last relationship?

Fair first date question, if approached properly.  It’s nice to have a heads up if I’m dealing with a psycho serial dater.  Also helpful to know if you’re dating someone who can handle long-term relationships.

7. What’s your ideal guy like?

HA, sorry toots but you’re with me. The faster you get rid of those “ideals” the better.

8. What’s your bra size?

Not dinner table conversation but maybe when I confirm if you’re full of gelatin or au naturel this could be worked into conversation.

9. Do you want children?

NOOOOOOOO. I don’t want to talk money, you think I’m asking about kids?

10. When do you see yourself getting married?

You can tell me if you’d like, but we damn sho’ won’t agree.

11. Do you have sex on the first date?

Pro tip: sex on the first date is on both of our minds.  The smoother I am and more relaxed you become, the higher the probability of first date sex becomes. No way I’m giving you a heads up, gotta sneak up on ya.

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Hey Ladies, It Was Nice Knowing Ya! 3Fap Has Arrived

Elite Daily – 

The most creative, entrepreneurial sex toy kingpin is back at it again, this time using an Indiegogo campaign to fund his latest invention – 3Fap.  Brian Sloan – who previously launched the female tool SlapHappy and raised $300K to produce the Autoblow 2 – is now blessing men everywhere with what is essentially a triple-threat Fleshlight.  We’re talking AMV, baby. Mouth Butt Vagina. If that doesn’t get the blood flowing then you might be a totally normal, healthy human.  I, msyelf, am a disgusting individual.  If a 3Fap sample pack happened to make its’ way onto my Manhattan stoop, I would be pleased to provide a review. It’s the least I could do. Maybe we could even do a little promo video at the AVNs? Never hurts to ask.

What’s that? Do I want to play the 3Fap jingle on repeat? K.

PS – What the fuck is this guy still using crowdfunding sites for?  Kind of insulting when you’ve made millions to ask future consumers to fund the production of a product that they will most likely buy.  Sex toy guys must be the biggest suckers going in retail.

Science Concludes That Short Guys and Skinny Girls Have Less Sex, Fat Funny Guys Smash, and ‘Healthy’ Ladies Just Wanna Have Fun

Science coming up huge again with some fairly obvious revelations: The really short guy in your crew gets laid less, fat people fuck the hardest, and the perfect-10 smokeshow at the bar is really just a cock-tease who won’t put out.

Per FiveThiryEight.com, very short men have smaller mean and median number of sex partners than any group of taller adult men interviewed.  FiveThirtyEight deemed “short” to be 5’4 or under, which is really short.  I would have set the “short” barometer at 5’6.  5’4 is nearing wee-man status.  Under 5’4 and you’ll have a hard time convincing me that you are an actual human adult and not some freakish Ben Button man-baby.  No one’s trying to have sex with that index finger, guy. Or, according to the data, at least no more than five people per lifetime. You better be hilarious, rich, or have an absolute HOG (probably 2 out of 3) to hold your own at under 5’4.  Danny Devito and Tom Cruise most definitely boosted these statistics.

height sex

Perhaps the more important findings in this study, however, deal with weight.  The study found that “underweight” women have less sex than every other group of women, while overweight and obese women have more sex than women of “normal weight.” This is all pretty much commonsense but still funny to see charted out. If used properly, this info could also be pretty damn helpful for some strategic young gentlemen out there.

Look, what I’m about to write is not opinion, it’s fact: The hottest chick at every beach, college party, bar, etc would qualify as “underweight.”  I didn’t make those rules, that was society. Decades of body-shaming and sexually charged media has deemed that the girl with the tiny waist and perfect curves is most desirable.  I like a little meat on the bone myself, but that’s another discussion for another time.  The point is that the few women who achieve this peak level of barbie hotness are probably pretty shitty. Not all of them, but most.  And the same goes for men. They’re not going to fuck the average, funny Joe Schmo at the bar, and they damn sure ain’t going home with any of you 5’4 midget trolls out there.  People who value their cookie cutter appearance over everything else are going to look for the same thing in a sexual partner, and more often than not they’ll end up having boring conversation and lame sex because they’re too self-conscious to kick things up a notch and get creative in the bedroom. I’ll take a “normal weight” funny, hot chick with some cushion every day and twice on Sunday.

weight sex

And last but not least, of course overweight/obese people fuck more than the toothpicks of the world.  When you’ve got junk in the trunk it just shows that you love to overindulge.  We’re here to get hammered and toss somebody around at the end of the night. Tell a few jokes, drink a hundred beers, probably enjoy a Sampler Platter, and then go home and have some sloppy awesome sex. People who are fat or have been fat are just funnier, too. It’s a necessity.  Nobody’s got time for some hardo with an 8-pack who stares at his calves in gym.  Their stories always suck.

PS – good for all the “Obese III” ladies out there.  Impressive showing.  No doubt a bunch of vultures hanging outside after-hours bars all across the Midwest. A tale as old as time.

New Book Alleges That Louisville Basketball Recruits Were Treated to Hookers and Strippers

ESPN – The University of Louisville and the NCAA are looking into allegations in a newly published book that a former director of basketball operations paid an escort service to provide sex for Cardinals recruits.

“We’re still trying to uncover the facts,” Louisville athletic director Tom Jurich said during a news conference Friday. “We want to get to the bottom of it as much as anybody does … and we will.”

The book is titled “Breaking Cardinal Rules: Basketball and the Escort Queen” and was released late Friday. It contends that a woman named Katina Powell was hired repeatedly by former Louisville player, graduate assistant and director of basketball operations Andre McGee to provide strippers and prostitutes during recruits’ campus visits.

In the book, the 43-year-old Powell says she provided entertainment for 22 parties from 2010 to 2014 at Billy Minardi Hall, which houses Cardinals basketball players on campus. Powell said she and three of her daughters, along with other women, participated in the sex acts. Powell reveals in the book that she received more than $10,000 for supplying women for the parties.

“To say I’m disheartened, disappointed would be the biggest understatement I’ve made as a coach,” Louisville coach Rick Pitino said of the allegations during a Friday news conference.

McGee is an assistant coach at the University of Missouri-Kansas City after leaving Louisville in 2014. UMKC announced Friday night that McGee had been placed on administrative leave with pay while the school conducted a review.

The book was released by IBJ Book Publishing LLC — a sister company of the Indianapolis Business Journal. According to the IBJ, players would be named in the book, which also has several photos of Powell and other escorts with recruits and Louisville players.

Huuuuuuge conflict of interest here if your are an individual with a semi-functioning brain.  On one hand, we’re talking about a book co-written by a former (are we sure?) madame in the great town of Louisville, Kentucky. If there’s one thing I know about Louisville it’s that the moonshine is strong and if there’s another thing it’s that Louisville madame’s are the type of women who get rode hard and put away wet.  Now that latter fact might not have much to do with the story at hand, but I felt the need to illustrate that Madame Katina Powell is most definitely a bad bitch.

Opposite Mz. Powell, you’ve got the Louisville Basketball program – emphatically denying that Head Ball Coach Rick Pitino and any current staffers had knowledge of the alleged stripper/hooker parties that were organized for prospective recruits.  The alleged ringleader, former Cardinal player and Ops assistant Andre McGhee is now coaching at UMKC and conveniently unable to provide comment at the moment. But, are we actually surprised by these allegations? There are only so many threats that a thinly spread, hard-working organization like the NCAA can protect young athletes from on a daily basis.  How can we expect the NCAA to regulate an FCS baseball team’s second helping of buffet breakfast at Golden Corral and also stop athletes from getting toooo much help from after-hours tutors when they also have to catch 18-year old recruits getting their toes sucked by twenty dollar Kentucky whores??  A group of men with tightly wound briefs can only achieve so much.

Look, is prostitution a healthy recruiting tool that should be used often?  The politically correct, new school answer would be “no.”  We should probably make sure that recruits aren’t having hooker orgies at the dorms on campus visits.  But at the same time, should we? Hooking is certainly a time-tested profession, maybe the young whippersnappers could learn a thing or two about stick-to-it-edness… I got laid on one of my college recruiting visits by an average, sorta pretty sorta chubby hard 7 with giant calves. You know what happened the next morning? I signed the fucking papers.Signed em like my quill was running out of ink. First class ticket to Commitment City. Now imagine you’re an 18 year-old 6’8 bro with a silky jumper and a 43 year-old Madame on your arm. You might might be sporting a more jaded view of the world, but you’re damn sure gonna sign with Rick Pitino.

So how do we think Rick Pitino feels??  Dude probably had no idea when the hooker parties were going on. I’m sure he’s pretty far removed from the weekend recruiting schedules and off-season operations these days. That’s low-level assistant bullshit. But you and I know for a goddamn fact that Rick knew some awesome hooker parties were happening at some point. Whether it was this year, last  year, or 1995 in Lexington (IT WAS DEFINITELY ’95 LEXINGTON), Rick’s put a healthy call girl rolodex together in his day. Try to tell me Rick and Jamal Mashburn haven’t gone to war together. Puhlease… Pitino knows Madame Katina Powell by the freckles on her inner thigh. And some might say that that’s old fashioned. Some might say the Pitino/Powell power duo represents a finer time in collegiate athletics. Idk, maybe I’m just a romantic. Guess I thought we were supposed to impress recruits, not just pay them off?

Tell me Pitino wasn’t in on some hooker parties. You can’t.

pitino