Mike Trout Stayed Up All Night Tracking Winter Storm Jonas, Is a MASSIVE Weather Geek

Look at Mike Trout, the pride of Millville, NJ. He’s a regular Renaissance Man! I did not wake up today expecting to learn that, in addition to being the best baseballer breathing, Mike Trout is an obsessive weather nerd and aspiring meteorologist but them’s the breaks.

ESPN – The massive snowstorm blanketing the East Coast has snarled traffic plans and forced millions of Americans indoors this weekend, but at least one person is loving it: Mike Trout, who said he was “up all night” monitoring the storm.

The Angels’ star outfielder appeared Saturday on The Weather Channel to deliver a report on conditions in his hometown of Millville, New Jersey.

“It’s been crazy, for sure. Obviously, up all night, up every hour, checking the measurements. We probably got about a foot and it’s coming down steady right now,” Trout said. “It’s blowing hard. There’s probably — by my parents’ house — 4-, 5-, 6-foot drifts. The roads are terrible. You know, it’s just — it’s awesome. I love it.

“We’re gonna go out and play in it soon,” Trout said. “I love it. I love the weather. This is awesome.”

Trout’s love of the weather goes beyond one winter megastorm. In an interview with Yahoo! Sports last summer, Trout said if he wasn’t playing baseball he’d be in the northeast monitoring snowstorms and working as a local weather person on TV.

“I would love to try it,” Trout said in that interview. Trout said he has a folder of weather apps on his phone that feature different models and forecasts, and he frequently exchanges direct messages on Twitter with Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore.

Some people are lovers of music, art, or television. Some people are movie buffs. Not Mike Trout. Mike’s true calling in life is snow storms. Born to chase blizzards and report on the pow. And to slide up in Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore’s DMs.

In all seriousness, it’s pretty cool to see how much Trout loves the weather. Not many people are as passionate about anything as Mike Trout is about the weather. Myself, I’ve definitely never been as excited to talk with someone as Cantore was with Trout. But please, save that BS about flying with the Blue Angels, Jim, this is clearly the best moment of your life.

Always interesting to get a glimpse at the off-field passions and interests of our favorite athletes. Trout seems like a really genuine guy.

Science Concludes That Short Guys and Skinny Girls Have Less Sex, Fat Funny Guys Smash, and ‘Healthy’ Ladies Just Wanna Have Fun

Science coming up huge again with some fairly obvious revelations: The really short guy in your crew gets laid less, fat people fuck the hardest, and the perfect-10 smokeshow at the bar is really just a cock-tease who won’t put out.

Per FiveThiryEight.com, very short men have smaller mean and median number of sex partners than any group of taller adult men interviewed.  FiveThirtyEight deemed “short” to be 5’4 or under, which is really short.  I would have set the “short” barometer at 5’6.  5’4 is nearing wee-man status.  Under 5’4 and you’ll have a hard time convincing me that you are an actual human adult and not some freakish Ben Button man-baby.  No one’s trying to have sex with that index finger, guy. Or, according to the data, at least no more than five people per lifetime. You better be hilarious, rich, or have an absolute HOG (probably 2 out of 3) to hold your own at under 5’4.  Danny Devito and Tom Cruise most definitely boosted these statistics.

height sex

Perhaps the more important findings in this study, however, deal with weight.  The study found that “underweight” women have less sex than every other group of women, while overweight and obese women have more sex than women of “normal weight.” This is all pretty much commonsense but still funny to see charted out. If used properly, this info could also be pretty damn helpful for some strategic young gentlemen out there.

Look, what I’m about to write is not opinion, it’s fact: The hottest chick at every beach, college party, bar, etc would qualify as “underweight.”  I didn’t make those rules, that was society. Decades of body-shaming and sexually charged media has deemed that the girl with the tiny waist and perfect curves is most desirable.  I like a little meat on the bone myself, but that’s another discussion for another time.  The point is that the few women who achieve this peak level of barbie hotness are probably pretty shitty. Not all of them, but most.  And the same goes for men. They’re not going to fuck the average, funny Joe Schmo at the bar, and they damn sure ain’t going home with any of you 5’4 midget trolls out there.  People who value their cookie cutter appearance over everything else are going to look for the same thing in a sexual partner, and more often than not they’ll end up having boring conversation and lame sex because they’re too self-conscious to kick things up a notch and get creative in the bedroom. I’ll take a “normal weight” funny, hot chick with some cushion every day and twice on Sunday.

weight sex

And last but not least, of course overweight/obese people fuck more than the toothpicks of the world.  When you’ve got junk in the trunk it just shows that you love to overindulge.  We’re here to get hammered and toss somebody around at the end of the night. Tell a few jokes, drink a hundred beers, probably enjoy a Sampler Platter, and then go home and have some sloppy awesome sex. People who are fat or have been fat are just funnier, too. It’s a necessity.  Nobody’s got time for some hardo with an 8-pack who stares at his calves in gym.  Their stories always suck.

PS – good for all the “Obese III” ladies out there.  Impressive showing.  No doubt a bunch of vultures hanging outside after-hours bars all across the Midwest. A tale as old as time.

‘Wanderers’ Is 176 Minutes Shorter Than ‘Interstellar’ But Just As Awesome

Next time you’ve got a little time to kill, spend four minutes watching this new short film, Wanderers.  The piece was created by Swedish animation artist Erik Wernquist and examines what the Universe holds beyond Earth’s atmosphere and even beyond our solar system.  Wernquist pairs astonishing visuals with narration by the astronomy GOAT Carl Sagan (from an audio recording of Sagan’s book, “Pale Blue Dot“).  The result is a pretty epic, albeit short, look at what it might look like when humanity finally makes that next leap from near-space exploration to Universe colonization. Whether a Manifest Destiny approach to the Universe is good, bad, inevitable, or all-of-the-above will long be up for debate, but hopefully there’s more Wanderers-type work to come from Wernquist. We can all benefit from increased insight and discussion of the future. I, for one, can’t get enough of this stuff.