Jon Jones Is Practicing A Flying Knee Kick For His #Haters

Take cover, Jon Jones haters, the Bones Redemption Tour now includes flying oblique kicks. NO NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!  Jones posted the video above from a recent training session with Mike Winkeljohn, and it looks like the former champ will be incorporating that vicious, sure-to-be controversial, flying knee kick to his arsenal. 

Jones is undoubtedly one of the top fighters in the world, but, his style has come under fire form purists who view some of his techniques as dirty.  The most common criticism of Jones is his propensity for using the controversial, albeit legal, oblique kick.  The oblique kick can cause devastating damage to the knee, leading many in the fight game to call for a ban of the strike.  Jones defended the move in a piece with “Fight Land” on Vice:

“It’s a very controversial move,” Jones said. “But if someone was trying to give us brain damage, we believe it’s an even trade off to give him a little limp for the rest of his life. So try it out, guys.”

Obviously the available practice footage is limited, but that flying kick looks like an even more vicious adaptation of the oblique kick.  With that said, I totally side with Jones on this.  If a fighter values his knee ligaments, he’ll be mindful and find a way to defend kicks to the lower half.  This logic invokes an interesting dilemma across all combat sports.  It’s nearly impossible for a competitor to totally protect all angles and avenues of vulnerability.  Thus, fighters have to balance a defense of prioritized zones with a sound offensive strategy.  The great ones can essentially expand upon their defense and eliminate further susceptibility via a killer attack.  No fighter, though, can ever ensure total protection during a bout. This flying kick, while possessing career-ending potential, leaves Jones vulnerable in the air.  At the very least, the move leaves him weaker – for a split second – than a typical oblique kick.

Jones begins his comeback with a title shot against current Light Heavyweight champ Daniel Cormier at UFC 197 on April 23.  For the amnesic readers, Jones defeated Cormier by unanimous decision in at UFC 182.  He was supposed to fight top contender Anthony Johnson, but a failed drug test for cocaine and a hit-and-run incident in New Mexico led to Jones being stripped of the title belt and suspended from the UFC.  Cormier then beat Jonhson to claim the vacant belt and has held on ever since.  Jones was reinstated in October 2015 and now the overdue rematch is finally game.

Considering the intensity of the first bout, Jones’ desire for redemption, and Cormier’s will to retain his title, 197 should be an all out war.  I can’t wait to see the best pound-for-pounder break out the flying oblique.  Either the kick lands and Cormier crumbles, or DC goes Goldberg on his ass.

goldberg

One way or another, it’s gonna be electric!

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Deontay Wilder Put Artur Szpilka In A Bodybag And Tyson Fury Made A Post Fight Appearance

szpilka KOed

Deontay Wilder is ELECTRIC.  What a fight. What a finish! KOs like that are far from commonplace; you better believe I feel lucky to have been a #witness. Shades of vintage Roy Jones Jr on this one. It’s hardly two weeks in and we might already have the KO of the year.

The atmosphere at Barclays was an 8/10. Could have been 9 or 10 but a point is deducted for the new alcohol policy. After those ushers whooped on some Islander fans, Barclays has instituted a stricter alcohol policy. This meant cutting off booze at 10PM before a title fight. Seems sacrilegious on Fight Night, to be honest, but the main event was such a show that liquid quickly became an afterthought.

The crowd itself was a see of red, probably three fourths of the stadium rooting for Szpilka. For 8 rounds he gave them everything he had. The Pole pushed forward and threw a ton of punches, but he just couldn’t land anything totally clean. Wilder had a clear advantage in both speed and size, enabling him to dodge most body shots and at least partially deflect anything threatening up top. Offensively, Wilder landed way more flush punishment on Szpilka. The contender’s supporters were incredible but you could feel the doubt creep in after every one of these:

 

Wilder picked his spots and limited risk.  After Round 8, a palpable uneasiness creeped through the air. There was a sense that Wilder needed to finish the fight ASAP or Szpilka would feed off the crowd and start a rally. Szpilka must have felt this, too, because he came out aggressive and pushing the pace. Thing’s were looking good for Artur until he got caught and had his dome spun into the next millennium.

When I say this guy was out, he was totally OUT. Eyes closed for at least 45 seconds. On the finisher, me and my boy leapt out of our seats to celebrate. We were hootin’ and hollerin’ like good fans do when outnumbered and victorious.  So, of course Szpilka all but perished and was led out on a stretcher. Of course the jumbotron video feed kept switching back and forth from Artur’s mangled face to his wailing wife ringside. For a minute I really thought that we had witnessed a widowing, but thankfully Szpilka came to.

So now we cross our fingers and hope and pray for a fall 2016 heavyweight title unifying bout between Wilder and Tyson Fury. Wilder has already said that he’ll go to Fury’s turf in the UK to ensure a fight. Fury appeared tonight to have a little post-fight chat with Deontay and things quickly escalated. Wilder will have to fight Alexander Povetkin, and there is probably a Fury-Klitchsko rematch in the works, but at this point the matchup seems inevitable. Get pumped. Wilder-Fury is going to be AWESOME.

PS – “I WILL BAPTIZE YOU” is such an amazing line.  I had to duck for cover when Deontay dropped that gem. Blew the roof off the damn building. Early KO of the year nominee and some top tier shit talking. Not a bad evening in BK.

PPS – Wilder over Fury in 7th Round KO.

Iona and Monmouth Basketball Teams Throw Them Postgame Hands

 

Grade: C

Good basketball brawls are tough to come by, but there’s usually at least some action when one breaks out.  The highlight of this one, around the 0:50 mark, is a pretty serious bitch slap landed by Iona’s Jordan Washington on Monmouth’s Chris Brady.

A flush jab would’ve boosted this to a solid B+ but Washington decided to be a chump instead. Having been on the wrong end of a bitch slap during a brawl, while being restrained, I can say that it’s one of the most infuriating, emasculating things that can happen to a man. Gimme a fist to the jaw and day of the week over a slap. Big-time punk move.

Safe to say that Monmouth is ruffling some feathers in the MAAC. 13-4 with wins over UCLA, Notre Dame, and Georgetown and a bench mob making national headlines will do that, though.  Should be a doozy when these two see each other again in February.

PS – AJ English from Iona is the truth. 43 in the losing effort. 2016 NBA first-rounder, mark it down.

The Deontay Wilder Takeover Begins Saturday Night at Barclays Center

 

It’s finally be time for American boxing fans to get psyched about a Heavyweight. Deontay Wilder (35-0) has the goods to be the first heavyweight superstar since Lennox Lewis, and he vows to make 2016 the year he becomes the first undisputed heavyweight champ since Lewis unified the bets in 1999. Like Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield before him, Lewis’ well ran dry by 2003, leaving casual fans with little reason to watch follow the division. Wilder could finally provide the intrigue needed to get those fans back.

This dude is gifted in the art of talking straight hot shit, just spitting verbal slugs and promoting better than any American heavyweight in years. A few of his rants in the video about are in line with the Mayweathers and McGregors of the world. And his fightgame backs it up. Wilder is a pure punisher. 6’7, 220lbs of long, lean limbs packing the most violent haymakers seen in the division for a long, long time. His technique is not as pretty as some smaller fighters, but I’ll happily sacrifice impeccable footwork for an onslaught of ring-rattling bombs.

His visit (above) with Ebro and Rosenberg on Hot97 is one of the best, current fight interviews I’ve heard. Deontay cuts loose, riffing on his intentions to “catch a case Saturday night,” his feelings on Wladimir Klitchsko, why he loves to inflict pain, and his call-out of Tyson Fury for a title unification bout later this year.

The boxing world already knows but it’s time for sports fans to take notice, too – Deontay Wilder is a problem.  I’ll be at Barclays to watch the massacre in person Saturday night. If you can’t make it, peep the highlights below and catch the fight on Showtime.  2016, year of the Deontay Wilder.  Can’t wait for Wilder-Fury this fall.

 

 

PS – First heavyweight title fight in Brooklyn in 115 years. A little history never hurts.

Roy Jones Jr Got Dropped Like a Sack of Bricks

Not two months after becoming an official Russian citizen, Roy Jones Jr kissed the canvas after a flurry of uppercuts and a vicious overhand right from Enzo Maccarinelli (47-7, 33 KOs).  The 1990s “Fighter of the Decade” got dropped in the fourth, beat the count, and was then brutalized for another ten seconds before being KO’d by the former WBO cruiserweight champion from Wales.

Jones (62-9, 45 KOs) is now 13-8 since his loss by knockout to Antonio Tarver in 2004. Before the Tarver fight, he was 49-1 and one of boxing’s brightest stars. Most of Roy’s recent wins have been against shot club brawlers and has-been bums. He’s so far removed from his heyday as a middleweight, light heavyweight, and heavyweight champ that it’s no longer funny. At all.

At least when the American Afro-Russian boxer/trainer/commentator/rapper/actor (best description ever, Wikipedia) can no longer speak, we’ll have his music. Cue the muhfuggin highlights.

Introducing The First Annual Heisman Trophy Candidate Deathmatch

Determining champions in college football has long been an inexact science. We’ve ridded ourselves of the evil BCS supercomputers, now let’s let the ballers decide the Heisman Trophy themselves. To help do this, Elbow Deep presents the First Annual Heisman Candidate Deathmatch, an unarmed combat tournament to determine the most worthy football warrior in college football.

deathmatch

After watching Tyson Fury’s win over now-former heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko on November 28th – a boring, messy bout featuring flailing haymakers and excessive wind sucking – I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. This sentiment was not unique. Fury’s post-match Aerosmith cover and mocking of the Klitschko camp was good promo for a rematch, but the fight itself was a snoozer.

That same night featured some incredible Week 13 college football. One week later, college football’s conference championship showcase was equally impressive. As an impartial viewer at Blondies – the Upper West Side basecamp for Sparty fans in NYC – I can safely say that no virgin eardrums were left un-fucked following Michigan State’s go-ahead touchdown in Indianapolis.

NCAA football this year has shat all over the underwhelming NFL product while introducing fans to several superstars. Last week, Christian McCaffrey ran rampant on USC, winning the Pac-12 championship and breaking Barry Sanders’ 26-year old NCAA record for all purpose yardage in the process. Two other backs – Zeke Elliot and Dalvin Cook – had the week off, but spent the week prior two-stepping all over the Fighting Harbaughs and Florida Gators, respectively. Derrick Henry furthered his claim as the baddest man in football. Henry, the leading Heisman candidate, displays a mesmerizing combination of physicality and elusiveness has been impossible to stop for a full 48 minutes.

As for quarterbacks, Deshaun Watson just led Clemson to its first undefeated season since 1981. Navy’s Keenan Reynolds has dominated both the air and ground attack for the 9-2 Midshipmen.  Oklahoma’s Baker Mayfield – the rare white boy so smooth that he managed to whip and nae nae all over the Internet without simultaneously killing the trend –  clinched a spot in the College Football Playoff.

Oh, and don’t forget about everyone’s Heisman favorite for two-thirds of the season, Leonard Fournette. LSU struggled in Novemeber, but Fournette went off again in Week 13, rushing for 160 yards and a score. He also sports the most aggressive adult braces/bald head/beard look of all time.

Point is, these dudes are insane athletes. They’re physical specimens (Reynolds is the smallest of the bunch at 5’11/205) who dominate their sport. But if put to the ultimate test, who would persevere?  Sure, since the beginning of time, coaches have preached “winning with class” and told players to “leave it on the field,” but sometimes you just gotta drop the Nike Vapor Knits.

I propose that the Heisman Trophy be (hypothetically) awarded to the candidate that truly earns it. I demand bloodshed.  A Heisman Trophy Deathmatch, of sorts. Something tells me that placing a pair of college football’s finest in the ring would make for a much better spectacle than UFC 526 or a title defense by boxing’s biggest blowhard.

To emphasize on-field play, the tournament will be seeded based on each candidates odds to win the award.  For functionality sake, we’ll borrow Bellator’s 8-man tournament model.

#1 Derrick Henry (RB Alabama)*** – 2/7

#2 Christian McCaffrey (RB Stanford)*** – 2/1

#3 Deshaun Watson (QB Clemson)*** – 10/1

#4 Leonard Fournette (RB LSU) – 20/1

#5 Keenan Reynolds (QB NAVY) – 22/1

#6 Baker Mayfield (QB Oklahoma) – 25/1

#7 Dalvin Cook (RB Florida State) – 25/1

#8 Ezekiel Elliot (RB Ohio State) – 40/1

*** Henry, McCaffrey, and Watson were named the three Heisman finalists invited to New York City.

So, who ya got?  Will it be runaway manslaughter by Henry or Fournette, or will Mayfield prove that those countless Point Break viewings in the Delta Epsilon chapter room actually had tangible value? Don’t sleep on the serviceman either, folks. Keenan Reynolds is liable to submit the field.

In the end, the question is simple: Which of college football’s brightest stars would make the best brawler?  Let’s discuss.

 mankind cage match

 – Round 1, Quarterfinals

  • #1 Henry over #8 Elliot

Huge start to our Heisman Deathmatch. This is like one of those classic 1 vs 8 March Madness matchups where the lower seed is a powerhouse program that just happened to get bounced from its conference tourney early.  Think UNC or UCLA hoops every other season.

At 40/1, Elliot is the longest shot to win the trophy, but he’s still a monster. Zeke was last season’s playoff MVP and followed up with one of the best rushing seasons in Buckeye history this year.

But this is about bloodsport.  At 6’/225, Elliot’s sturdy base, speed, and agility are his strengths, but they’re offset by Henry. The fight game is all about matchups, and Derrick Henry is basically a bigger, stronger version of Elliot.

At 6’3/240, Henry is the Megladon of the field.  More than the advantage in size, Henry has the upper hand in mentality, too. Elliot’s Buckeyes looked sluggish all season and he did some whining after OSU’s first loss of the year. Bama, on the other hand, fell to Ole Miss early and has been a wrecking ball ever since. Henry gets better every weekend while carrying a massive workload. The man can’t be stopped for more than a quarter of football; no chance he’s losing in the first round of the Heisman Candidate Deathmatch.  Put these two in the ring and it’s only a matter of time until Henry turns it into a ground-and-pound bloodbath.

I mean, come on.

Sorry, Elliot. You’re dead.

  • #5 Reynolds over #4 Fournette

keenan reynolds               fournette

Another big-time match in the first round. Unlike the 1 vs 8, Reynolds/Fournette pits two players fighters of different style against each other. I’d look for Fournette to charge Reynolds like a bull in a china shop. He’ll want to get the little man on the floor and use those elbows. Fournette is a beast but he’s taken a pounding this season and can be stopped by a tough, agile defense (e.g. Bama). Plus, beneath that Maybach Music exterior is just a polite kid from Nawlins. Leo is no Jeremy Hill.

fournette gif

PREDICTION: Something tells me that Reynolds has done some sparring in Annapolis.  I like Reynolds to dodge Fournette’s charges, pepper the big man with jabs until he wears down, then catch him with some lighting to the chin. Big tree fall hard. It’s lights out for the Bayou Bengal.

ARUGAHHHH!!

  • #6 Mayfield over #3 Watson

Ahhh, a good old fashioned quarterback fight. Two high-character cats with great work ethic and unique paths to success.  I’d be willing to bet, though, that neither of these bros have scrapped since middle school.  Actually, I take that back. Mayfield definitely emasculated Davis Webb at some point during the 2013 Texas Tech season, but that was probably more of a locker room teabag session than an actual fight.

Both of these gunslingers are praised for their poise in the pocket, toughness, and ability to create plays with their legs.  Watson is definitely the superior athlete, but Mayfield can move, as well.

This fight goes the distance and I’m making a decision based purely on background.  Watson has been a star all his life. Four-year high school starter, heir apparent behind Tahj Boyd, and surefire NFL draft pick. That’s not a bad thing, but Mayfield is more of a scratch-and-clawer. No scholarships coming out of high school. First ever true freshmen walk-on to start at a BCS school (Texas Tech). After soaking up Kliff Kingsbury’s swag, he transfers to OU – without telling Bob Stoops – sits out a year, and takes the job from Trevor Knight.

I’d expect most QBs to be intimidated by Deshaun Watson as he is the better football player. But Mayfield has all the intangibles you want in a fighter. You can break this kid’s nose but he’ll break your jaw. Mayfield by Unanimous Decision.

baker-mayfield-whip

  • #2 McCaffrey over #7 Cook

No way in hell I could pick against Ed McCaffrey’s kid here, right?  Yes, I’ll admit that it pains me to pick against any born and bred Miamian when it comes to physical combat.  You make the wrong turn down there and the city becomes a fucking war zone. Flesh-eating dopeheads and Kimbo running around snorting blow and bashing skulls while Billy Corben documents the carnage. It’s anarchy. Anyone who makes it out of Miami has my respect (I’m obviously talking about Dade County, not whatever gated community all the gold chain-clad Jewish guidos call home).

Anyway, Miami’s great but you know where Christian McCaffrey’s from? The front range of the Rocky Mountains, that’s where. Highlands Ranch, CO, stand up! Ever go for a hike in Denver? Thin air, rough terrain, medicinal buds and sunsets that leave you breathless. That shit will wear you out, man.

There’s two real reasons why I’m riding McCaffrey in this fake tournament, though.  First, his dad happens to be the best Caucasian wide receiver of all-time. That guy was an absolute stud. If Ed McCaffrey is your father, you won genetics. Plus, the McCaffreys are about five years away from becoming the First Family of the NFL. They’re like the Intelligent Gronkowskis. One son is an NFL prospect at Duke, Christian is the second-born, then there are two more big-time college prospects in high school. The time to buy McCaffrey stock is now.

Secondly, besides the Broncos, mountains, and sexy hippy chicks that could use a leg shaving, Colorado is home to the USA Wrestling Headquarters.  I don’t know much but I do know that McCaffrey is the only Heisman hopeful who has ever donned a singlet.  Probably looked damn good, too.

Prediction: Cook comes looking to land some bombs, but soon learns that this is no 21-year old female he’s up against. McCaffrey easily dodges Cook’s haymakers, double-legs him and earns a submission via rear naked choke.

mccaffrey gif

– Round 2, Semifinals

  • #1 Henry over #5 Reynolds

derrick henry gif

Derrick Henry versus Keenan Reynolds. The giant workhorse from villainous Alabama – servant of the tyrannous Nick Saban – against the swift, skilled, valiant hero.

reynolds ref gif

Similar to his first round knockout of Fournette, I like Reynolds to work the outside using his acrobatics to avoid Henry’s grasp while peppering the big man with body shots. Unfortunately for our underdog, Henry is a cyborg and gets stronger as the fight goes on.  Unless Reynolds can land one of these flying kicks

pettis super kick

he’s in big trouble. Eventually, Henry will grab hold of Reynolds. After some squirming and failed elbow locks, Derrick goes full Mountain on the Viper, crushing the Midshipman’s skull with his bare hands.

Sorry, Keenan. You’re dead.

  • #2 McCaffrey over #6 Mayfield

mccaffrey pic   mayfield pic

White on white crime, ya’ll. Such a damn shame. Pretty soon President Donald – from the future – will have eradicated crime entirely, but for now we must weather the storm. Once those damn Mexicans, Muslims, blacks, Turks, Jews, Jenners, and gays are gone we can get back to the good old days of peaceful race relations and myCopy 98 bright halfbacks.

Speaking of which, my man McCaffrey enters the semifinals as the most unscathed competitor. Cook’s a tough dude, but Dalvin’s haymakers were no match for a totally imagined master wrestler.

On the other hand, Mayfield went the distance in an epic trading of blows with Deshaun Watson. Mayfield had the tougher chin, but he enters Round 2 badly bruised.  Physical conditioning is the difference in this bout.  The baseball fans trade blows for a while, with Mayfield landing some good shots, but Baker’s previous injuries come back to haunt him. Cuts over his eyes lead to vision issues, and McCaffrey takes him to the ground looking for another submission. True to form, Mayfield never says “die” and refuses to tap. He’s put to sleep via guillotine choke. Lack of oxygen to the brain turns Baker into a vegetable, and in the cruelest long con since LostMayfield’s girlfriend pulls the plug. Pokes – 1, Sooners – 0.

Sorry, Baker. You’re dead.

– Round 3, Winner-Take-Heisman Final

  • #1 Derrick Henry vs #2 Christian McCaffrey

The moment we’ve all been waiting for. The matchup pitting the nation’s two greatest amateur football warriors against each other.  The odds-on Heisman favorite is Henry, workhorse for college football’s premier program. Henry leads the country in rushing yards (1,986) and touchdowns (23). He’s the exact prototype that you’d build in a running back factory.

Then there’s McCaffrey. The renaissance back from Stanford, raised on NFL sidelines. Probably bullied Jack Elway so hard in middle school. Henry leads the country in rushing yards, but McCaffrey’s not far behind. He leads the nation in total yards (3,496), breaking Barry Sanders’ aforementioned record while adding 13 touchdowns. TDs are the glaring difference between these candidates (Henry has 23), but that has a lot to do with Alabama’s ineptitude at quarterback. If Henry doesn’t score, neither does the Tide.

This match will be decided by mental toughness, something both these backs have in spades. The deciding factor, IMO, is McCaffrey’s mental makeup. He’s giving up 40 pounds, so he’ll need to withstand an epic beating – or earn a submission – to win the most prestigious award in sports. The question is, can he take the heat?

I mean, just look at this fucking kid:

christian mccaffrey

He’s so perfect that I have to believe there’s a screw loose. He’s like Channing Tatum if Tatum wasn’t a college dropout from West Virginia. At a certain point it’s impossible to perform at such a high level your entire life without being somewhat psychotic. The driving force for McCaffrey has always been the need to prove himself. The need to prove that he can live up to his family name, prove that he’s not undersized, and prove that white running backs can actually ball.

Unfortunately for white tailbacks and racists everywhere, I think the Kid’s armor cracks against Henry.  These two both deserve the Heisman and possess a level of toughness unparalleled by the rest of the field, but Henry’s combination of size, strength, and athleticism is too much to overcome. They trade standing blows for two rounds but McCaffrey can’t get Henry to the ground. In the third, Henry catches the Cardinal with a right hook and goes Brock Lesnar hammerfist for the finisher. Henry by TKO.

lesnar hammerfist

Sorry, Christian. You’re dead.

 

PS – See ya next year, Christian.

undertaker Alive!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aneheim’s Kevin Bieska Does His Best Ronda Rousey, Gets Tooth Knocked Out By Mike Fisher

We’ve got a loose chicklet, folks!  Make way for the maxillary lateral incisor dangling from a thread of Kevin Bieska’s gums like a gigantic hangnail.

The pussified terrestrials among us might consider this disgusting and barbaric, but having your face bashed in by Carrie Underwood’s baby’s dad is just another day in the life for hockey hardos like Bieska. These guys are a different breed.

Fans of hockey, fighting, and fighting in hockey rekognize that Fisher v. Bieska had it all. Flush connections, minimal dancing, and juuust the right amount of gore where you can watch the replay on loop while not feeling bad for the millionaires beating each other senseless in a sport in which it is not required.  Plus, Mike Fisher was the underdog. He went toe-to-toe with a known “brawler” and knocked the guy’s tooth out of his head. That’s gotta be worth some sort of gift from Mrs. Underwood.

 

Timely Ronda Rousey impression, too. Who said The Hockey Goon was outdated?

 

PS – Anyone know if Bieska had to hide his face on the way back to Aneheim?