The Bachelor Coming In Hot With The Weirdest Wedding Kiss In The West

The Bachelor is on in my apartment. If you’re the guy reading this thinking that I’m a pussy then fine, yes, technically you are correct but not because of what’s on my television. The Bachelor is primetime trash TV.  It’s gold.  A perfect look inside a fish bowl full of paranoid, horny Siamese fighting thots. The chicks on this show are out for blood. Plus, two hours on a Monday with no football gets you huge bonus points with any lady in your life.

Anyway, in this episode the clan is in Vegas because of course that’s where you go when you want to find your soulmate.  Somehow the scene when Ben meets a stripper and tries to call the whole thing off didn’t make it passed editing.  Instead, we were blessed with the weirdest kiss to ever hit American airwaves.  By a pair of Asians no less! Ben was wooing one lucky lady, officiating the weddings of a bunch of tattooed sickos as one does when in Vegas, when ABC dropped this hydrogen bomb all up in our grillpiece

Hey lady, you just got married, give your husband some fucking lip service!  Seriously, I need a behind the scenes episode on these maniacs. What’s their deal?  100% immigrants but was this the first time they’ve ever kissed? First time they’ve ever met? Maybe homegirl is just afraid of the cameras, but I’m going to choose to believe that she got flown in to Vegas 3 hours prior to hitch this son of a Chinese real estate mogul.

Lastly, just pathetic all-around execution by our man Shades.  What the hell is that two-hand shoulder grab all about? This isn’t kindergarten you fucking buffoon.  You’re not trying to cop a little smooch on the playground.  Cup her face with one hand and give that Asian flower some guidance.  Be an adult.  For Harrison’s sake, act like you’ve been there before.

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