I’ve got a question. Is this Leo bastardization living the biggest Catch 22 of all time? I gotta say yes. Tough, tough bucket for your boy. With a year of intense diet and exercise, he could be drowning in whatever type of tail infests his Arkansas shanty town. But, I assume it’s still severely depressing to know that had you’re white trash mother done the right thing (read: uprooted the family and pimped you out to commercials all over Los Angeles) you, too, could be the most desired man in the universe.
The day-to-day Leo comparisons would be enough to make any man drink and drug himself into a balding blob. Now he’s being Internet shamed by Tank Sinatra? Brutal. There’s clearly some pain behind those eyes, but I think there’s still hope. Sweat off those jowls, trim the chin pubes, and our boy will be ripe to cash in on the inevitable middle-aged, Jack Nicholson-era, fast life Leo. DiCaprio will be bald soon anyway.