Been a rough winter, ya’ll. Feels like just yesterday it was mid-May and I was looking like a goddamn washboard laying in the shade on a beach in Playa del Carmen. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I’ll always be a Casper the Ghost looking motherfucker but at the very least I can keep the pathetic skinny fat look in check. Getting “jacked” is out of the question. Such a waste of time. Tall, lean, sex machine is my move. Unfortunately, right now I look like a pregnant housewife who still goes to Pure Barre. I’m basically a hideous, hairy Kristin Cavillari.