Portland, Oregon – A Portland man was arrested after his neighbors awoke to find him in their bedroom rummaging through dresser drawers and later found he had stolen women’s underwear, court documents say.
Daniel R. Kowatch, 24, told police early Sunday that he had thought many times about breaking into a neighbor’s home just to see if he could get away with it and decided to act on the idea.
Police officers found Kowatch’s jacket on the roof of the home and discovered two pairs of women’s underwear, maxi pads and a large bowie knife in the pockets, the court papers said.
Kowatch told police that he “has an obsession with women’s underwear and it’s getting worse.”
Does Daniel Kowatch have a problem? Sure he does. The guy running around town with pockets full of panties and maxi pads probably has a screw loose. And, no, it’s not a good look to be breaking into your neighbor’s home, rummaging through their drawers and terrorizing the neighbor children.
Sidenote: what’s with the maxi pads, Dan? I understand underwear fetishism. That – in a strange, embarrassing way – makes sense to me. But a sanitary napkin? Were you ordering buffalo wings?
So, yes, Daniel Kowatch needs some help. But Daniel is also an inspired young man. Daniel is the type of guy who never says “die.” The type of guy who carries a bowie knife just in case someone needs to catch the fair one.
Everyone knows a “knife guy.” Knife Guy – along with Brass Knuckle Guy – was the first kid to do coke in high school and the only JV football player with a steroid connect. Knife Guy made everyone incredibly uncomfortable but he also wouldn’t hesitate to cut anyone who gave his “friends” trouble. Knife Guy was no one’s friend but we were all his bestie.
Daniel Kowatch is Knife Guy. Daniel gets an urge to break into his neighbor’s home and actually follows through.
We’ve all had that urge. The urge to test if you could get away with a crime. Most of us, however, are too smart, rational, and cowardly (depending on your worldview) to try our luck. Not Daniel. Daniel will scale a house, climb onto the roof, kick down a door, and give some unsuspecting housewife’s panties a fatty wiff. Dirty Portland hippie housewife panties, at that.
He might be an intense pervert with a worsening obsession for ladies’ underwear, but there’s a place in this world for Daniel Kowatch. Ya never know, donating a few months to the State of Oregon might just help our guy Dan find his way.