Steve Spurrier – The Head Ball Coach – Retires from South Carolina Effective Immediately

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Don’t ever turn your back in the sports world, folks.  Just when the Cubs had me at my relative high of highs – slugging red wine and screaming joyful praise at my television while blogging in my underwear – The HBC swoops in and brings me back down to Earth.  Not the most surprising announcement, but a tough draw nonetheless.  It’s a zero-sum game out here.

Simply stated, Steve Spurrier is a legend.  He’s a first ballot Hall of Famer, a man who’s coaching resume spans forty years with incredible success in college and a helluva paycheck in the NFL.  Thanks, Dan Snyder.

What’s always set the HBC apart, though, is his personality. Spurrier is my favorite coaching interview on radio and it’s really not even close.  His quick wit and sarcasm is unparalleled, and he’s never afraid to bite his tongue.  I can’t wait to hear his first-hand account of how and why the retirement went down now, but I’m willing to bet that the story is worth the wait.  I’m also willing to bet that it centers around him not wanting to put up with this 0-4 in the SEC dogshit squad when he could be spending his time on the golf course or drinking whiskey and eating grits at Waffle House.

The man has a gift for gab, and he does shit his way.  It would seem weird for most coaches to hang ’em up mid-season, but it almost makes perfect sense for Coach Spurrier. His team stinks and he wasn’t totally all in anymore; daily team operations were already being handled by his team of assistant coaches. So it makes some sense.  HBC probably showed up to the Monday morning team meeting and told his guys as bluntly as possible:

“Boys, see, I’m sick of this shit. Time for ya’ll to go win some ball games for yourselves.  Good luck, and God bless, I’ll be at the racetrack.”  [tosses his visor to Dylan Thompson as he exits]

Spurrier is one of a kind. The HBC. The Goat.  Never Forget.

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PS – I’ve always wondered if Spurrier was boys with Stephen Garcia.  Only explanation for that dude making it to graduation was that he shared a doobie with The HBC at some point. Good times.

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