1. Are your boobs real
You better believe I will sneak a few peaks throughout the evening, but asking on a first date? Much too aggressive. I plan on finding out in a few hours, and I’ll accept you either way.
2. Where did you get that top?
Jay Cutler, DOOOOON’T CAAAARREEE.
3. Is that your natural hair color?
Does it look good? Yes. Are you happy with it? Yes… Okay, see answer #2.
4. So how much money do you make?
Enough to take care of yourself and not depend on me? Perfect. I don’t need the exact details as long as you’re not dumpster diving. This is still the first date, you’ll have to hang around much longer before I’m buying groceries.
5. How many people have you slept with?
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
6. How long was your last relationship?
Fair first date question, if approached properly. It’s nice to have a heads up if I’m dealing with a psycho serial dater. Also helpful to know if you’re dating someone who can handle long-term relationships.
7. What’s your ideal guy like?
HA, sorry toots but you’re with me. The faster you get rid of those “ideals” the better.
8. What’s your bra size?
Not dinner table conversation but maybe when I confirm if you’re full of gelatin or au naturel this could be worked into conversation.
9. Do you want children?
NOOOOOOOO. I don’t want to talk money, you think I’m asking about kids?
10. When do you see yourself getting married?
You can tell me if you’d like, but we damn sho’ won’t agree.
11. Do you have sex on the first date?
Pro tip: sex on the first date is on both of our minds. The smoother I am and more relaxed you become, the higher the probability of first date sex becomes. No way I’m giving you a heads up, gotta sneak up on ya.