This holiday season, I’m thankful for sexy criminals. Not what you were expecting to hear? Well, grow up. Sexy criminals are a plus for everyone, particularly the movement of sexy criminals going viral. We’ve reached a point in time where armies of tweens can literally build an overnight celebrity with just a flurry of retweets. The hot mugshot movement encapsulates this viral age perfectly, and it’s beneficial for us all. For one, it makes even the most average degenerates feel better about ourselves. It’s always nice to tell yourself that you’re not doing that bad. Secondly, sexy mugshots serve as another 5-minute movement for every tween, twink, and half-wit to obsess over. Gotta keep the Beliebers of the world occupied so they don’t actually go living in reality. That could have serious ripple effects. And lastly, the hot criminals get to bask in their fifteen minutes of fame and hopefully get signed to an adult film contract. The kids won’t go hungry if Momma’s getting stuffed, right?
I bring all of this up because last week, Stephanie Beaudoin aka the proclaimed Hottest Alleged Thief on the Planet plead guilty to plead guilty to 30 charges in connection with a series of break-ins in her home province of Quebec, Canada. Originally, the 21-year old nursing student was facing 114 total charges. It remains to be seen what Stephanie can do with her Hottest Thief title, but at the very least she should shoot for a Brink’s Home Security parody film once she gets out of the clink. I hear Vivid does good work.
And remember Meagan Simmons? She got popped for a DUI back in 2010 and shortly thereafter her ridiculously photogenic mugshot surfaced. It really was the perfect photo of a gorgeous girl who just got ragdolled by her boyfriend after a night of drinking. The piercing, yet glazed-over eyes, the pursed lips, and the post-sex hair earned an easy A+ on the mugshot scale. Ms. Simmon’s fame wasn’t longlived, but she did pick up thousands of Twitter followers and a few modeling jobs. She also hit a website – InstantCheckmate.com – with a lawsuit for using her mugshot in an ad campaign. Money be green.
So, in the Great Hot Criminal Debate, who ya got?
Stephanie Beaudoin, of Quebec:
or Meagan Simmons, of Florida:
Seems like Meagan’s more of a when-I-try-to-look-hot-I-can’t type of girl. Less is more, IMO.