An Insomniac’s Retort: Latenight Instant Reax

I don’t sleep much. At least not much at night and not when I should.  That’s just Fudge Life. Thought ya’ll should know. As such, when Insomnia Fudge kicks in, I’m gonna start posting some instant retorts (“reactions” for our inbred readers) on the sports and news of the evening. These won’t be the most well-thought out posts but they’ll be honest and at this time of night all any of us really need is honesty and some sweet sweet lovin’ when we’re lucky. For the latter, check your Google history. For the former, come with Fudge.  Let’s ride.

LeBron dropped 29 to go with 11 dimes, leading the Cavs to their sixth victory (one game under .500!).  But he also wore this lame hat. Actually, I think I love that hat. Cool non-prescripts, doofus. I don’t know, I can’t make up my mind on this guy anymore. Do we think the belt buckle strap is a new strategy to cover up the disappearing hairline?

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The Cavs win when Bron scores at least 25. They lose when he doesn’t, which basically depends on if Kyrie and Dion Waiters decide to play with or without their heads inside their respective anuses. How many times per game do you think LeBron fantasizes about Irving having sickle cell?

The New York Jets are PATHETIC. But then again, Buffalo was playing for victims of a natural disaster. The performance was truly reminiscent of the Saints’ Super Bowl in 2006, IMO.

Speaking of the Saints, they are not a great football team.  Love betting against New Orleans this season.  Ravens +3.5 was free money tonight.  The Saints have Drew Brees and nothing else, the defense stinks, and when your defense stinks you can’t expect to beat an elite quarterback like Joe Flacco by 4 points.  That’s a little thing called a lesson in footballing.

The Maui Invitational is my sneaky favorite sporting event of the year.  Don’t get me wrong, in the grand scheme of things it can’t contend with March Madness or blacking out at halftime while the Bears get massacred in Super Bowl XLI, but I look forward to Maui every year. It’s an annual “mentally circle the calendar” type of event. Maybe it has to do with my lifelong disdain for bedtimes, but my earliest moments as a college hoops fan are of staying up to watch the Maui games.  The tourney’s always super competitive and it serves as a perfect de facto prelude to the Thanksgiving NFL matchups.

Tonight in Maui we saw San Diego State doing San Diego State things.  The Aztecs always play tough defense and crash the boards, and they held a clear athletic advantage over BYU.  The game went into double overtime largely due to Tyler Haws catching fire for The Mormons in the second half, but he couldn’t quite Jimmer enough to sneak BYU past the Aztecs.

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Also in Maui, we had Arizona laying the pipe on Missouri. Arizona is the real deal.  Missouri on the other hand, well, Mizzou’s former coach Frank Haith left to take the job at Tulsa.  A head basketball coach in the SEC, left to coach at Tulsa.  He was not fired.  This program is in trouble.

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– Elsewhere in College Hoops, Louisville did unspeakable things to Savanna State. To be clear, this was a full-court assault. SEVEN POINTS IN THE FIRST HALF.  A less honorable man might even use a certain R-word to describe this thwacking. Savannah State really never stood a chance, but no one expected this outcome.  I almost feel bad for the Tigers, but not that bad.  Rick Pitino & Co still called them a cab and sent them home with a $500,000 check.  Kind of reminiscent of everybody’s fun uncle in the ’80s, no?

But for real, buy stock in Montrezl Harrel.  The kid is a freak athlete and is gonna make one hell of a stretch-4 with a power motor in The League. Bunnies for days.

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That’s all I got on this evening’s sporting action.  Time to catch a few hours’a sleep and fake it through another day in the 9-5 rat race.

P.S. – That sexy little Seaward from Fox News, Megyn Kelly, needs to cool her jets.  She was straight up terrorizing every black reporter/lawyer/panelist that they put in front of her.  No Afro-centric agenda is safe with Megyn on the frontline! She really seemed to be enjoying herself. What I’m really saying is that someone should check on Bill O’Reilly.  Old fart probably drowned from excessive cumming of the undies.

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