I saw this link on Twitter today and couldn’t sit idly by. This is my favorite find in years. Black Internet is a space that I don’t completely comprehend, but there is nothing more hilarious than this sector of the web. Take Black Twitter, for instance. Basic white boys like myself couldnever muster up this content. It’s electric. It’s a cultural phenomenon. An art form. I don’t know how the first five installments of these rankings have slipped by me, but I promise that that will never happen again. Big Ghost’s Annual Softest Niggas In The Game will officially result in an annual re-post by White Fudge.
Please check the post out for yourself because Ghost’s commentary is the real gift . I like to think that he wrote this gift in about 20 minutes after inhaling a syrup-glazed blunt. It takes serious talent to spew a rant like that into written word, and who better than Ghostface Killah? The never ending barrage of one-liners will remind any fan of The Wu why Ghostface really is one of the most gifted lyricists of Hip Hops greatest era.
Here are some highlights from the rankings:
10.) Mike Will Made It – “what more you gon expect from somebody who actually be enjoyin puttin whatever his equivalent of a dick is anywhere near Miley’s lobster claw lookin ass.”
9.) Lupe Fiasco – “Nothin against the homie Wasalu…Son is on some wild insecure shit…actin like he done read every book ever written n be like a 87th degree black belt in over 14 different martial arts forms… Like he wasnt at the local YMCA takin Kung Fu classes like some regular niggas be doin. Nigga you wasnt sparrin wit stunt doubles from old Run Run Shaw movies durin ya childhood n pullin rickshaws in Shanghai n gettin paid in wontons…sleepin on hot dim sum baskets n steel chopsticks to learn how to ignore pain n whatever.”
8.) Hopsin – “This corny nigga gets a lifetime pass for INFINITE fuckouttaheres bruh.”
7.) Roscoe Dash – “lookin like those colorful water sprinklers little white kids be jumpin thru on they lawns in commercials n shit. I still aint never allowed my ears to be tortured by any more Roscoe songs or verses ever again after the All The Way Turnt Up..”
6.) Kid Ink – “OH THE SKINNY LITTLE MARMOT LOOKIN ASS NIGGA WIT THE TATS? OH THATS THAT NIGGA KID INK. HE THE ONLY NIGGA RUNNIN ROUND LOOKIN LIKE SOMEBODY HAD MADE A HUMAN BEING OUTTA SOME CHICKEN BONES N CHRIS BROWN’S HEAD. How the fuck yall take this slightly less trash Tyga replica seriously yo?”
5.) Wiz Khalifa – “Son’s life is like a whole galaxy of adolescent female emotions n Demi Lovato lyrics clustered into one organism n brought to life by a stoner praying mantis/parody of a rapper who was sent to Earth by the Gungans of planet Naboo to detonate some kinda male dignity transmission override all over the planet n keep niggas from wearin pants that aint 7 sizes too small”
4.) Kirko Bangz aka Great Value Drake – “This nigga look like he scissors wit WNBA players n got some shit tatted on his lower back yo. Its like somebody made they own Drake outta paper mache n wet cornflakes..”
3.) Drake – “Feel like this nigga jus appeared on a lilypad one morning in a pond in his moms back yard inside of a dewdrop or some shit. I picture this nigga asleep inside of a drop of sunshine gently slidin down a golden maple tree from one leaf to the next one morning n then falling onto the wing of a canary n bein carried off on a feather n whimsically slippin down to that pond surrounded by swans n geese n squirrels bathing n shit…”
2.) Justin Bieber “aka Snow Brother # 1 aka The Human Dick Piercing aka The Other Miley aka KKK Grand Wizard Local 613 Canadian Division. This snow coon…muthafucka softer than a garden of marshmallows…yet somehow some way yall be lettin this human bubble bath slide by witta all access hood pass n he jus be runnin wild wit that shit yo”
1.) Tyga aka Grand Master Trash-“First off I gotta address the fact that this rodent fetus lookin dick breather got the most punchable face on God’s green earth…Look at this marsupial ass muthafucka’s face n tell me you dont wanna break a Nebuchadnezzar sized champagne bottle on his grill. I be havin actual daydreams where I slap the duck sauce out this muthafucka sometimes yo.”
If you’re still reading, I highly recommend learning about Karate and Porn, curteousy of The Wu on this episode of MTV’s Cribs. Godspeed.