Dartmouth Professor Invents Intuitive Smoke Detector, No Smoker Is Safe From AirGuard

Vice.com –  Dartmouth Professor Joseph J. BelBruno and the rest of the team… have developed a new device they’re calling the AirGuard. Their baby is a detector sophisticated enough to know the difference between smoke and smoking, and it’s intended not just for hotels but for any shared space where smoking is meant to be discouraged.

VICE: So this device doesn’t just detect smoke. Instead, it knows when you’re smoking?
Joseph BelBruno: Yeah, that’s correct. It detects nicotine.

And if you’re smoking pot, it picks up THC?
No, it’s detecting another chemical that’s much more prevalent in marijuana smoke. 

And that chemical is a secret?
For now it is. It probably will be [revealed] once we’re actually out there selling them, but for now it is, yeah. Sorry.

I don’t know much, but I do know that Joseph J. BelBruno’s days as a Dartmouth professor are numbered.  That has nothing to do with all those hippy-dippy, pot smokin’ liberals up in Hanover getting their parachute panties in a bunch ’cause Joe is catering to The Man.  No, BelBruno’s time at Dartmouth will soon be ending because he is about to be buy-your-own-island rich.  Every hotel, stadium, and university in the world will be lining up for a standing order of AirGuards.

This is one of those times where I really just wish I was a smarter human. That, somehow, as a child I had an inner drive to learn and invent things that was cultivated all my life. Then I’d be the one buying an island and reenacting The Most Dangerous Game. I’d be the one eating grapes out of a model’s crack. Because honest to Allah, I think about this concept every time I’m in a hotel.  Like, “Wouldn’t they just make a more effective smoke detector if they really cared that I’m about to smoke a spliff in Room 305?” “Isn’t there a way to make better detectors? Those things haven’t changed in decades.” “Ahhh fuck it let’s watch TV and order some food.”

Who needs brilliance, power, and wealth when you’ve got a premium cable subscription and room service? Not me, that’s for sure 😦

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