DeAngelo Hall Re-Tears His ACL, Suspicious Tale Involves His Kitchen, Oven, and a Pizza


This is a tough one. It always sucks to see a guy hit a severe setback in his rehab. The most recent parallel that comes to mind is Derrick Rose’s second knee injury last year.

Similar to Rose, DeAngelo has always been a primetime entertainer. He’s certainly not even close to that same level of superstar, but he’s a tough vet who is more than serviceable in passing defense and the return game. He can’t tackle his way out of a paper bag, but hes a goddamn ball hawk.

But on-field skills are just one side to the DeAngelo we all know and love. He’s a good ball player, but he’s also a freaking clown who loves to run his mouth and (I might be projecting here) probably makes some questionable life decisions. I like to imagine that he’s a lot like myself in that way. Just a pure physical specimen, an Adonis if you will, but also the type of guy who wouldn’t mind putting back a 6-pack (read: Cognac), indulge in the occasional spliff (read: regularly smoke blunts, preferably Dutch Masters), and stuff his face with a large pie (we’re basically twins). So yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story than just DH slipping off his walker while trying to open the oven for some of that sweet, saucy mozzarella. My man was stoned off his ass, probably had a few too many Percocets (thanks again, Redskins!), and thought he could test his reconstructed ACL. Not so fast, my friend.

Not the worst deal though. Now D has at least another nine months to play for Team Pizza.


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