Mutants Taking Over Tehran

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Huff Post – Although Tehran has had a decades long struggle with rats, its rodent problem seems to have grown to epic proportions as of late. Giant rats that have been flushed out of their nests by melting snow are the focus of a renewed extermination effort in the Iranian capital, according to several reports. The rats “seem to have had a genetic mutation, probably as a result of radiation and chemicals used on them.”

“They are now bigger and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution. They have jumped from 60 grams to five kilos, and cats are now smaller than them.”

Tehran is reportedly ramping up its response to the rodents. Apparently a team of Army snipers are hunting the rats by night, using rifles equipped with infrared scopes. IBT reported that 2,205 rats have been killed so far.

Scariest story of the day.  Off the top of my head, there’s no animal that I despise more than rats.  Just absolutely disgusting creatures, worse than opossums. The only things that rats have going for them are Patton Oswalt and their semi-small stature.  They’re disgusting and gigantic compared to their mouse underlings, but rats are still small enough in the grand scheme of things that they’re not very threatening.

NO LONGER!  These Iranian rats are so goddamn huge that they’re carrying off babies.  They have evolved MILLIONS OF YEARS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.  They are BIGGER THAN CATS.  I’m puking in my mouth over here.  These things are so massive and are scaring the shit out of every Durka Durka in the Persian Promise Land that the Iranian government unleashed Special Ops fully equipped with night-vision snipers to take them down.  Forget Al-Queda and whoever Iran is feuding with this year, these freak rats take precedence over all military issues.  I’m on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s side 100% with this one.  He’s taking care of business.

Just another reminder of why to never visit the Middle East.  Pure upheaval in that fucking region.  Falling behind Africa in the shit rankings real fast.

ps – kid in the pic is killin’ it in the 80’s White Sox hat.  Get up Chi-town.

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